With the returning of the sun after midwinter, I have been kicking my own ass about getting this wedding set up. The next year is going to bring a lot of changes, including maybe moving out of town together, and hopefully getting closer to starting a family. I get the sense that if we do believe in getting formally hitched, then the right time is to do it before all this turmoil and settling down happens, a commitment that we step into that future together.

Gorgeous photo by James Jordan. All hail the Creative Commons.The first thing I did was hie me to my local public library to borrow a copy of Dan Savage’s The Commitment. The man’s been shaping my understanding of sex and relationships since I was a teenager. He had a weekly radio show in Seattle, and every week, somebody would *drive up to a Washington University with a tape of the show* and the university radio station would broadcast it in the middle of the night on Sundays. I lived on the top of a mountain in deepest suburbia just over the Canadian border, and had a boom box rigged up with a bunch of wires tied to the antenna… I listened to his show every week, including such highlights as live fisting and penis tattooing. And then Monday morning, I would fall asleep on the school bus.

But I digress. Mr. Savage is very wise when it comes to the human heart – and when he writes about marriage from the perspective of American gays, it is without the straight-people social pressures. Nobody expects gay people to get married in the States, where it’s not even legal (shame!). So when two gay Americans who have done A LOT of research go through all the trouble of coming to Canada to get married for their own peace of mind, it means that they see something really valuable in the formal commitment. After devouring the book in two days (and so much crying!) I think I agree with Dan Savage that getting married means taking a responsibility that adults who make a life together really should shoulder. Especially if there are kids on the way, it means that we promise to do our very best to be a team and provide a stable foundation of love and support.

But, for us Canadians, gay, straight and otherwise, who decide to get married, there is also that matter of signing a legal contract. The contract has a lot of fine print which most people don’t read. Step two of this weddin’ planning business is learning what that contract says, and what parts of it we don’t like.

I hied me again to the library, to borrow a book about prenuptual agreements called What to Do before I Do. It was helpfully filed in the dysfunctional section of the little branch library out by the university, right between Surviving a Divorce and Alcoholism and You. Its all about American law (what we Canadians endure) but I think it should be a good start.

Contemplating prenups is about as much fun as taking out my own tonsils, but what’s going to be really awesome is coming up with the cash to hire TWO lawyers, which you need to make a prenup valid. That, in turn, is only going to be half as awesome as dealing with my parents on this whole issue. But I do think it has to be done.

In less fraught news, I learned last night that a good friend is a totally amazing baker and cake decorator. That takes care of sourcing a cake.

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