First day back at work after mat leave. It was… I’m not very into my job right now. The fact that I only spent about 2 waking hours with my kid: one getting him up and on the bus, and one putting him to bed makes it suck more.

In many ways, I have a pretty sweet gig. Three years ago, I would have killed someone for the job I have now. It makes me feel insane to not be happy there. But some things about the work environment are not my cup of tea. I am learning things about my work style! I like to know who I report to and what I am working on! I like to work on projects that sometimes get finished! That’s old fashioned and boring, I guess. Not very creative new economy.

So I’m all fraught about things as usual. The husband is an excellent listener, and tells me I should try and make a change. What I really want is to work part time. Man would I ever love to work three days a week. But my employer doesn’t really do part time, so I’m going to focus on trying to find a full time gig that makes me happier. So far – two applications, no prospects. I’ll keep on.

In the short term, the next two months are going to suck donkey balls. Work will be its usual self. Plus I have a million St. Patty’s gigs this year, which again I should be grateful for, but they are going to take up way too much of my limited home/family time.

The conclusion that husband and I came to is that I should hang in there through this hump and get a sense of what else is out there for me work-wise. Basically, for Lent I am going to give up fun time with my kid and just do everything I have to do for work and gigs. Then after Easter, it will be time to reevaluate. Maybe I need to quit my band. Or maybe I need to do… something about my job. I don’t know what. Just quit? That seems insane. Apply for other stuff? Make a bigger change that I can’t even wrap my head around?

Anyways. It’s Mardi Gras. I celebrated by going back to work.