Posts tagged ‘decisions’

Every beginning is some other beginning’s end

Would you believe I got the motherfucking job?!! I’m officially employed from the week after next until the end of 2010. Hello real world + thesis project!

For years, I’ve lucked or negotiated my way into day jobs that were less than full time, so I had time to teach music (and attend classes, and other stuff!) on the side. But this time negotiation wasn’t feasible, so for the first time since 2003, I’ll be at a desk from 9 to 5, 5 days a week. Good for me, I’m sure, and I really hope to get the damn graduating project done during evenings and weekends, sooner rather than later.

The schedule means that music teaching has to go. Happily, my mentor and friend who runs the music studio found a fantastic replacement for me almost immediately. I spent a heartbreaking hour calling up all my students, some of whom I’ve taught for years, and telling them I was leaving them in good hands.

All in all, music teaching has been an amazing experience. Music students aren’t personal buddies, but they’re not colleagues either. Teaching has been a chance to build relationships with people of all ages and walks of life and help them realize their dream of playing an instrument. I really admire all of those folks, especially the adults, for taking time out of their busy lives to follow their bliss.

A few days ago, on my last day of teaching, I was in charge of closing up the studio at the end of the night. One of the other teachers was herding all the students out the door, saying “It’s hotel/motel time, follks! You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here!” Into my head crept the little pop song that one of my old roommates used to love: “Every beginning is some other beginning’s end.”

So that’s where I am. To seize this beginning, I had to let some other stuff go. But this is totally the path I want to be on.

Back in the Academic Salt Mines

Hoo boy, did school ever start up again and bury me beneath a pile of reading. If all goes well (and I get a topic sorted out SOON for my final project) this will be the last September of this degree.

I spent last week out of town spending my university’s teeny little travel stipend (and more) attending the national conference of my field’s professional association. That was a good experience, overall, and I am simultaneously excited and paranoid about the future.

As I fretted to Z last night, it really seems that these professional ladies tend to have their kids later in life, and to work for five or so years first. Those early years are so critical for getting established, learning the ropes, getting some responsibility. In some ways it makes me want to rethink the plan to have kids as soon as reasonable upon getting a job. On the other hand, Z is turning 35 this year, I am turning 30 in the spring, and my parents are in their 70s.

The next year or two, especially once this sweet and stressful little limbo of school is over, is going to be so very interesting. I wish I had a psychic or guru of some kind to help me decide what is most important in all the precious considerations I will have to balance. My career, the value my work (hopefully) will bring to others, our unborn kid/s, Z and his desire not to move to anywhere other than our three preferred locations for my work, my aging parents and their desire to get as much of my attention as possible, and locally.

Body and Soul

We need to work our muscles over here. Days filled with blogging, studying and riding the bus (in my case) or working at a desk, reading books and playing video games (in Z’s case) don’t seem to be maximizing our physical fitness. Who knew? Without putting too fine a point on it, we could both stand to sweat more.

My favourite way to get exercise is as a side effect of daily life. Using a bicycle for transportation is the optimal solution- taking the stairs and walking to get groceries also do the trick. But in the neverending rain it’s harder to get excited about an hour-long bike ride to school and last winter sometimes weeks went by where I take the bus to school. For Z it’s even harder to incorporate physical activity into his day – he works from home, so there’s nowhere to walk to on a daily basis.

So! There’s this beginners’ triathlon in a small town a few hours from here that happens every summer. Z signed up to do it with a group of friends one year, and ended up wanking on it for one reason or another. (Haha, spell-check doesn’t recognize “wanking.” Or wank, for that matter. Wanky!)


Then, this past summer, he and a friend decided to do it together. His friend bailed after a few months of training, and he sort of gave up.

Right now, my boy is in probably the worst shape of his life and feels bad about himself. I would dearly love to help him out. Partly self interest, of course – he is beautiful now, but damn, he’d be hot if he lost a few pounds. We could eat better, of course, but I think the big ticket for him is more exercise. He’s built to climb mountains and lift heavy things, not sit and type all day.

As for me – I’m lucky enough to be a tense little person with a high metabolism. I’m not overweight. But I do have a soft little belly and I should have way more strength and stamina for things like biking up big hills. My doctor, in one of her moments of actually discussing my health with me, mentioned that physical exercise would be really good for my anxiety, which can get pretty crippling. Finally, as I keep relentlessly mentioning in this blog, we hope to have a baybee in the next few years, and if all goes well, I will be needing to push said human being *out of my hoohaw*. I understand that being in shape is a good idea for that sort of endeavour.

So – should I tell him I want to do this triathlon with him next summer? It’s not a real triathlon, but a shorter version for beginners. As part of our training, Z would have to teach me to swim pretty much from scratch – no way in hell I could swim 500 meters or whatever it is at the present, even to save my life. We’d need to set up a training schedule and be committed about it – limited flexibility.

If I mention it, I’m 90% sure he’ll be in. I’ll also have to be 100% committed myself, and can be pretty sure that at some point I will wish I’d never even thought of it. He’s bailed and been bailed on in the past – so if I so much as say I’m interested to him, I have to mean it. Even though next summer is going to be when my final project for school is wrapping up, and HELLO ANXIETY!

I’m going to think about this for a week or two, then once classes are underway for the winter and I’m good and stressed out, I’ll check if the idea is still palatable. Helping Z get in shape is a noble goal, but for this to be a success, I’d have to want it for myself.