Posts tagged ‘deep thoughts’

A Gift of Indeterminate Duration

Since my last worried post, I’ve done more thinking about the risk of miscarriage and arrived at a frame of mind that helps me sleep.  (Besides the fact that I’m so tired, I could sleep through the end of the world.)

This embryo is a gift that’s come to us for an indeterminate amount of time. We hope it stays with us and becomes our baby, but even if it leaves after a short while, it is still a gift. Its presence in our lives (and in my pelvis) helps us learn how to be parents.

Even if this sweet pea-sized embryo isn’t going to be our baby, I do believe we will be parents one day and that this pregnancy is part of that path. This fatalistic way of thinking of it might not work for others, but helps me feel less nervous about miscarriage.

That way I can focus on being more nervous about the possibility of actually having a baby – yikes!

Furthermore, I started feeling exhausted and a bit crappy the last few days. In the perverse logic of pregnancy, that is a good sign for viability. It’s also a terrifying sign for the rest of the first trimester, but I’ll live.

Running is not considered ideal for pregnancy because of all the bouncing around on your joints, but it’s one of the sports you don’t need special training or equipment for , so I hope to be able to keep it up. Yesterday after work, I took my giant sore boobs out for a run for the first time in a few weeks. It felt great to get some exercise but I was definitely slower and soon tired.

I’ll try and go again in a few days. As much as possible, it would be great to maintain a reasonable exercise regimen, to keep my spirits up and body strong!

Resume Updating

It’s hard to believe I’m at that point in my program when it’s time to polish up/ completely reinvent the old resume and put myself back on the job market.

Reviewing my old job descriptions is reminding me, guiltily, of the lack of enthusiasm I brought to some of my old jobs. They did not spark my fire, which is why I went back to school for a masters’ in something I cared about.

Whatever job I am lucky enough to find after graduation is going to be an opportunity for me to prove to myself that if I care about something I can do a good job. Not just a good job from a supervisor’s perspective, but my own best.