Posts tagged ‘unemployment’

Shifty

The future is so shifty.

This upcoming wedding, which is quickly materializing, feels on some level strange and unprecedented.

I am applying for a job I really want but can’t imagine having.

We want to raise children in the most desperate and sincere way, but at the same time, the very concept seems utterly foreign, bizarre, impossible.

Life gets crazier and crazier. I think I like it.

Coutdown to Baybeez, Part 45

The giant paper is going to the school office this Tuesday, and I will be presenting the esoteric business to an apathetic audience of professors and fellow students the week after next. THE END IS NEAR!

The job situation is another fucked-up ball of wax entirely – I have zero job security or prospects for a stable permanent job, or even a longish contract. I wouldn’t care so much if I were 23 and just out of school, but it sucks donkey balls at 30. That’s what I get for undertaking a career change at 27 I guess, but I don’t regret a thing, except maybe not going back to school a few years earlier.

The consensus at home is that we are not going to wait to TTC until I have a job I can take mat leave from. Not waiting for that kind of job might mean giving up a lot more than mat leave – the chance to go part-time while kids are young, for example. All the good stuff you get if you are actually a permanent employee and in the union. On the one hand it seems stupid not to hold out for that situation, which I bet I could get if I waited long enough. Babies benefit from parental leave. I don’t want to put a 12-week-old in daycare. On the other hand, it could be years and years from now when I finally get made permanent, and maybe we wouldn’t even be able to have kids then, and those kids would never know their grandparents.

So fuck it. I think we’re just going to go for it. We are pretty lucky in the sense that Z pulls in pretty good money at his job, and if I need to be unemployed for awhile, or even if he needs to work part time for awhile, we could manage it. And if I really can’t stand to go back to contract work a few weeks or months post-partum, we’ll just figure something else out, like moving to a town where there would be a job for me.

The one thing I do still think we should wait for is a wedding, or at least having a wedding date set and soon approaching. (Why didn’t we have a wedding last spring? Oh yeah, grad school + starting a new job took up all my brain cells.) A few folks have mentioned to me that this smacks of caring too much what others think – who am I trying to impress? – but I still kind of think it’s important for me. I don’t want anyone, least of all my kids suspecting that they weren’t wanted, and that we only got married as a shotgun wedding. Is that an insane thing to worry about? Maybe.

So we’ll get hitched in the spring, and start TTC – god I don’t know, sometime around then. Z is not feeling so patient, and is just waiting for the word from me, which makes me feel like a bit of a meanie. Sometime after the wedding date is announced, anyways, and such that there’s no chance of being visibly pregnant in wedding pictures. Because I am shallow and care what people think.

But first, finding some damn lawyers for a prenup. Which makes me feel dirty, but that’s another story.

Second, telling my parents we have a date. Before they go on vacation in November. Don’t wanna stir up shit with them.

This being-a-grown-up business is fucking complicated.

Officially Springtime

It’s officially springtime.

Z came back to town after two weeks away and we had a little honeymoon for a day on Saturday, which was lovely. Life is back to a fragile sort of normal.

My job interview last week seemed to go tolerably well and I am waiting uneasily for the decision while procrastinating mightily.

I made a pan of kind of gross fruit brownies. I guess they’ll get eaten but they don’t taste like being held down and beaten with a 100-lb bag of chocolate, which is more like what I’d been hoping for.

Slow down, Earth

Hey there Earth. You’re all fired up and spinning along hotly, but I need you to chill out for just a few months if you could.

You see, I have a fucking job interview next week. I am actually a little worried they might hire me. I’m not really done my masters degree yet, and all the professors like to warn us not to take jobs before we have finished our thesis because otherwise it’s all doom and pain and anxiety. Sometimes people take more than 5 years to finish and then the program kicks them out with no degree. I once knew a guy who accepted a job before he had finished his thesis and it took him another year to finish, and he was so stressed out that he ended up in the hospital for two weeks with a rare and serious blood infection. zOMG, internet.

On the other hand, this rare, humble and temporary job is with my target employer, and I’d be mad not to want it. It’s why I applied, even though I’m not really ready to start work. The grand plan is that they will hire me for this short posting and then the economy will improve a little bit and they will be hiring people again, and find a permanent job for me, and then I can work there forever and then go on mat leave.

Of course they probably won’t hire me. I bet tons of amazing people applied for that job and they all have better interview skills than me. And they won’t try to negotiate flex time for working on a thesis. I’ll do my best by freaking out between now and the interview.

OMG internet, I could be a working woman soon.

Hunting

I’m really more of an herbivore. Food that can’t run away is for me. But I have started looking for jobs, and yuck. It’s totally this game of strategy, me showing some of my cards but not others, and also weighing the inconvenience of potential start dates against the desirability of the workplace and…

I’m currently drafting an email expressing cautious interest in employment in an environment I was already cautioned against, which is also one hour and 38 minutes away from my apartment by bus.

by D Sharon Pruitt

Yeck. That’s just preposterous. And yet… will there be a better option? Would it actually be better to move away altogether, uproot Z and leave my parents and our friends for a better job somewhere else? Feck, I dunno.

Watch me figure it out though. I’ve got another 2-week “home retreat” coming up with Z going out of town for work and me with plenty of shit to sort out.